Had a very awesome weekend with the Young Adults at Young Adults’ Weekend Away (YAWA)! Learnt a lot, and I really prefer YA a lot more to the Youth. Even outside Church I hang out more with the YA than the Youth. Well I got to miss Bio remedial on Sat, and had lots of free time in the afternoon and I didn’t say back at NACLI to do work, cos there wasn’t internet, and some of us went to Bugis for lunch and looked at Maria’s art exhibition at LASALLE. It was my first art exhibition, pretty interesting I guess. I didn’t understand a lot of it, didn’t expect to either. Went back to NACLI and had dinner after at the famous Duck Rice stall nearby which was pretty ex for a coffeeshop, $8 a person. And then Marianne Lee informed us that the sermon has been pushed back to 8.30. So we headed to West Coast Plaza, which was a really alright neighbourhood shopping centre, with lots of empty exhibition space. I got to sit in Sam’s jeep for the first time! Coolness. It looked like an army tank. Hehe. It was like sitting in a lorry except cooler.

So since YAWA has ended, been feeling campsick and rather discouraged about some stuff, since I’ve been feeling like my spiritual life has no direction. I feel like I just want to go out and serve God now, but I know I have to stay in school. I know I can stay in school and serve God through my studies, but its difficult when people around you are having holidays ie. my sister. I came home today at 5, and she just woke up. Not from her nap, but from sleep. She slept at 6am. Right. She’s going Malaysia soon with OM personnel, to work with some homes there that deal with HIV+ people. She brought one of her friends/OM aidslink personnel home last night for dinner, it was quite eye-opening and heartwarming to hear about missions. I think my family has really influenced me in wanting to do missions, and I think they’re pretty much all found their calling. And for me, I love God. I want to serve Him. Unfortch, I haven’t found a ministry passion. And since He doesn’t seem to be calling me, does that mean that He’s telling me to concentrate on my studies? Oh well. I’ll just wait. Patiently, I hope.

It seems like I’m constantly put in situations where I realise how much the relationship would have failed anyway. And how much it was lacking and so detrimental to both of us. Obviously I understand how it has affected me more than how it has affected the other party, and well, for my side, I think my life was really stagnant, in a constant vicious cycle. And now I’ve managed to get out of it, and I see how much I missed and how much I would have missed. Missions would not have been in the picture. Being godly would not have been in the picture. I can’t blame him, I can only say that the people around him are responsible for influencing him in such a way that he has turned out like that, being stuck in an environment where $ and looks matter more than being a genuine Christian. Even the understanding of the faith is shallow. And it is not his fault at all.

Hmm. Seems like I’m starting to forgive.

Been very stuck between Playmax and the Redang trip. Playmax is from 12-13 June. Redang trip is from the night of 12 June to 17 June. I guess I can go for Playmax on the 12th, but all the Youth are going on 13th. I have committed to Playmax, and at the same time I was just thinking during the middle of last term about how much I just wanted to lie down on the sand at a beach (not Singaporean) and relax. Its a 9-hour bus ride to Trengganu and a 2-hour boat ride to Redang from there. But Redang is absolutely beautiful. With the clear waters and corals, and I may not be a fan of fishes, but it truly is lovely.

Ahhh. Stuck.